The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
