They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is the high leading the old right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
