yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
