Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He better not be in your backpack
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
