my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
