i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
