FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
