Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
