whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I touched a dick in church today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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