i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
