I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
