if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize