On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
