i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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