she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
