I bet he comes in French.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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