obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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