It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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