mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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