Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
