it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
