soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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