im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
