ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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