who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
