Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
