I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
