is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize