im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
