if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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