Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry about my life...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
