They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
