I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
