he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
