New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
