I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
