Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
