I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
