Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
