idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
