yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
