This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
