and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
