So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
