The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
