Yo dont text me then not text me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
