i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
