Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As shirtless as possible
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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