Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
