Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
