So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
