I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
