Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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