I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize