alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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