I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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