if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
