imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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