I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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