planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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