You really coming over, don't trick.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
