Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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