True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
