I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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