My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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