i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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