if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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