so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
