After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
