cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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