He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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