remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
