my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
