Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
