I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
