oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize