Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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