So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
