Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
