as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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