so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
