how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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