Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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