In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
