someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize