there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
