seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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