I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
