He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
