K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
