Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize