Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ruined the universe
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
