we have pet lesbian snakes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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