I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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