I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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