I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
