she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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