just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
