I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
