Buhtt sex?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
