Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
