Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This baby is an asshole
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
