I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
