haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
