Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
