My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
