I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
