I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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