Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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