I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize