I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
