I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
