i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
