Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
