Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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