If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
